As part of my daily ritual I always check the latest news reports on Wired, Ars Technica, and a couple other sites. Then I read anything that catches my eye, always looking for something to write about. This morning I found an article on Wired asking lawyers and psychologists to analyze “The Walking Dead.”
I don’t watch that program for several reasons: I am not especially fond of the zombie genre, I wasn’t impressed with the pilot of the show, and apparently the only reason people watch it is so they can hate the characters. So I have politely ignored it for some time now, despite the fact that Wired never shuts up about it.
This morning’s article, however, truly takes the cake in the “We Need to Fill Some Space on the Homepage No Matter How Moronic the Article.” category. I would recommend you read it just so you can see how low the standards are for publication over at Wired.
I can understand the psychologists being interested in something like this because their job is to study the human mind and the way it reacts to it’s environment. Should a zombie apocalypse actually occur, it would be nice to have a couple people on hand who can identify the insane people among the survivors, and hopefully point them out quickly. Lawyers, on the other hand, exist solely to argue about shit. That is their gig, they like to argue with people. That makes them extremely expendable in a Zombie War since the dead don’t really have much to say.
The lawyers, on the other hand, are the ones who really piss me off. They actually ask Do the Undead Have Legal Responsibilities? I’m not making that shit up, they actually asked that question. This is a sign of how low and vulgar the legal profession has become, they are such parasites that they can find the money even in the extinction of the human race. They didn’t ask this question because they want to conduct criminal trials, that would be beyond stupid. They want to conduct civil trials and sue the survivors for whatever they can get. There is no other explanation for the question “Do the undead have legal responsibilities?”
I will concede the idea that survivors would be held legally accountable for crimes committed during the Zombie War, but those crimes would be restricted to rape for fairly obvious reasons. Are you going to charge someone with grand theft auto because they stole an ambulance to make an escape? Going to charge people with looting for stealing guns and ammunition to fight the war, or for stealing food to survive? Only 21st Century American lawyers would have the audacity to tell you to keep the law in mind during an Apocalypse.
The true disappointment, however, is a respected publication like Wired.com treating this stupidity as if it made any sense at all, even as a thought experiment. There are no standards anymore…or maybe they are so low we just can’t see them.